Let’s play again – Forest of Doom, Part 2

So, I step into the forest, walk a while and find… a talking crow. Huh. Even for a fantasy world, that one caught me by surprise. The crow offers to give me directions if I give it a gold piece, but dang it I spent every coin on this magical loot. He flies off, fortunately without a snarky comment because I couldn’t bear that from a crow, and I continue on my way.

I wander my way through the woods, hoping for a pair of goblins arguing over a hammer they want to sell. I get partly that – a pair of orcs arguing about dinner. As you would expect from orcs, they see me and decide that “Meat’s back on the menu” and I have to fight. But what a surprise – they have Skill of 5, so even though I’m a buffoon with two left hands, I still outmatch the pair of them  without taking a scratch. Then I loot their pockets, of course.

I contiunue up the trail, wandering a lot without a lot of aim. I come northward out of the forest and into a grassy plain, where I decide to turn west and do more of a zig-zag pattern to cover more ground. Then I wander some more. There is a brief moment of excitement as a fox races by, pursued by dogs and riders. But I bravely hide in the bushes as they go by, because ‘m not being paid to interfere with a harmless fox hunt. And I wander some more paths. I’m starting to wonder why this is called the Forest (because I’m in plains now) of Doom (instead of aimlessness).

Oh thank goodness, something interesting: a hut. I peek inside the window and whoo-boy – jackpot! A big muscly man who doesn’t believe in shirts. Back before we had Grindr this is how we had to hook up, you see; wander the forest and hope to find a naked man in a hut. I check my hair and my breath, knock on the door, and prepare to put on my best moves. Sadly, he’s not interested in anything but holding hands – and by that I mean an arm wrestling contest. Aw geez. Well, I’ll take what I can get. Naturally, with my Skill of 7 I have to cheat to win, but win I do. The guy looks so dejected that I offer to stay with him a while, maybe even the night if he’s… no, no he just wants me to leave. Damn.

Back down the path and east again, then north, and I see vultures circling overhead. That’s always a good sign, right? But hey, the guy’s not dead – he’s staked to the ground and left to die/ He’s a barbarian sort like me, and we rugged individualists gotta look out for each other, so I untie him.

But he’s crazy or angry or delirious from pain, because without a word he leaps up and attacks me. Despite having been on the edge of death a moment ago, he has a Skill of 9. He has only 7 Stamina, so maybe I can get through this? We get a lot of tie rolls, and I get one good swing in, but he has the upper hand. Round by round, he beats me from 18 Stamina to 10 to 6 to 4, … to 0. Beaten to death thoroughly and unilaterally, by a barbarian whom I tried to save, is how my adventure ends here.