‘Twas the night before Christmas 2025 (part 2)

So, having found my way to a cottage and some dinner, I’m put out into the cold again. It’s on me to walk to the mountains in my pajamas, then climb the mountains in my pajamas, then somehow find and defeat Krampus the Christmas demon.

I’m mulling over in my head how screwed I am. The blacksmith  gave me an axe so I could defend myself, but not any clothing. So whatever predators are in the woods, I could fight them off easily enough (Combat score of 10,+1 for the axe = formidable!) unless they take the smart approach and just wait for me to die of exposure in a few hours. I’m considering why I didn’t just ask for directions back home, or have the blacksmith call me a cab, when I come to a frozen lake with a castle in the center. It’s rather beautiful, and I just know that this being a fantasy book it has an evil sorcerer or a vampire. Still, adventure calls – I know that obvious traps like this also have required quest items, and when they offer “or you could turn back now” they really mean “the gate slams in your face, lose 2 stamina, lose 1 combat for fear, and you go inside anyway.”

I have a choice of walking over the frozen lake, or going around the edge of the lake to the bridge. I already had a run-in with thin ice earlier, so I take the longer, safer way. This takes me into some woods, where a pair of wolves are eating a deer. Good – that means they won’t be hungry, and I just have to be non-threatening and let them eat in peace. Wrong – of course they attack. But this is why I have an axe, and it’s a one-sided fight, with me killing both wolves and not taking a scratch. They could have just waited…

So, the castle – four towers and a keep. I know game books – I’ll have to visit all four to get a key,then go into the center keep to defeat the vampire-sorcerer boss. Yeah, sure enough. I pick up numbers from three stained glass windows, and free a man who says he’s the rightful king here before the snow witch took over (snow witch – yeah, not surprised), and solve a puzzle and receive a magic spear. Yay! So now into the center keep to fight the mini-boss.

The snow witch is, as they always are, pale and powerfully beautiful and scary and very tall. When she comes at me, I panic and decide to use my Naughty or Nice power instead of the magic spear. And a polar bear comes out and eats her. Yes, really, a goddam polar bear! I watch in awe as the bear devours her, then turns back into that old man I rescued earlier. I guess he really did have it out for her. Then, as he steps back into the moonlight and I start to thank him, he turns back into a bear. We trade blows for a few moments, until he changes back and we have a “thanks, I needed that” sort of moment. So while he calls someone to have the carpets washed of ice witch blood and polar bear fur, I take off into the night.

I walk for hours, fortunately the cold not being a factor anymore despite my being in pajamas, and come to a cliff leading into the mountains. I start climbing with my bare hands, because it’s a fantasy book and we don’t need ropes and stuff.About half-way up is a cave in the cliff side, so I stop to rest… and to look for loot, because this is the sort of place where they always stick required quest items. And yep, magic sword… a magic sword guarded by two killer snowmen! The illustration here is great, too – snowmen, with giant teeth in slavering mouths, and claws on their stick hands. They’re really gruesome, but not that tough, and they go down with nary a fight.

In fact, this whole time the only endurance I have lost have been from exposure, from falling off a tower, and similar accidents. And I’ve been eating food to keep that up. I’m out of food, but at full health. I have a 10 combat and a +1 axe, which I can swap for a sword that’s +2 against demonic critters. So my real threat here isn’t being ambushed or eaten, but falling off a cliff. With this in mind, I move forward into the cave. It widens out, winds around, and leads upward toward the top of the cliff. And at the top… is Santa’s Workshop.

Oh my god. It’s real. We knew Santa was real, but to be here at the famous workshop is just incredible. I’m gonna take the tour, and visit the gift shop, and buy a t-shirt, and watch the elves do their thing, and pet a reindeer. But that has to be after I rescue Santa from whatever diabolical plot is at work here.

I sneak quietly up to the front door, quietly crack the door open to peek inside, … and the porch gives way under me, a trapdoor into the poor chute under the reindeer’s stables. PLOP! Right into a giant pile of still-warm caribou poop. And that’s where we leave off for the moment, in a pile of crap.