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A Fatal Temp Job at Firetop Mountain

In The Regional Accounts Director of Firetop Mountain, I’m a data-entry temp, in between gigs for so long that I’ll take any job. The temp agency sends me to Firetop Mountain PLC where they always need “new blood”. heh heh heh Yeah, it’s kinda ominous but so is rent, so I need the work.

The FTM office is an ornate cathedral-looking affair, carved from the side of a mountain, yet conveniently located right here in the business district. I buzz myself in, and hang around a bit with the receptionist. In the waiting room, I see a peephole in the wall and someone watching me through it. Creepy! Eventually the office manager, who I know was the eye watching me because he has a serious case of pinkeye visible from across the room, shows up and sits me down at my desk. He warns me not to leave my desk at all, and when I ask about the bathroom he just motions at the floor, which slopes downward toward a gutter… Yeah, just like I imagine the offices at Amazon.

Well, time to get to work.

I spend some time Googling my own name (because I’m hourly so why rush it) and eavesdropping on a co-worker who is confessing to all sorts of inappropriate office behavior such as having sex with “Little Chicken” (which is a lesson on why not to eavesdrop). I finally decide to get to work, but the chair is really hurting my back. Like, a lot. Like, my shirt is shredded and that’s a gaping hole, and an alarming amount of blood.

Fortunately there’s a stupid motivational poster with a chimpanzee on it, so I’m laughing and motivated with company spirit as I lose consciousness. It’s a funny poster, but curtains for me.

My work day ends here.


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First published January 18, 2020. Last updated December 15, 2020.