Clouseau vs the Drug Kingpins of Kether, Part 3
By a lot of dumb luck, my character has survived to what I keep thinking is the climax of this War On SpaceDrugs. I’ve beaten up an air traffic controller and the head of Customs, killed 5 people, talked to a snake-woman monster in an ancient temple, and scarfed 8 happy stay-awake tablets trying not to bleed out or go into shock from blaster injuries. Damn skippy, these pills are awesome! One thousand milligrams of rampage!
The trail of clues and bodies has led me to an asteroid which I think is the factory. The area is mined to discourage less foolhardy intruders, but my ship has 12 weapon strength so my Mega-A-Zap Space Lazors (tm, pat pend) melt everything in my path. Leaving me with a choice of two doors. Hm.
I take an emergency entrance, and find myself in a hallway. It’s zero gee and I’m in a spacesuit, but somehow this feels like a dungeon crawl in a Fighting Fantasy gamebook. For instance, there’s a door to my left that I may try, or else keep going down the hallway. The doorway is to a storage room with nothing of interest, so back down the hall anyway. Yeah, kind of familiar here.
I make my way past another junction, and find myself in a platform jumper: three spheres to jump across (test Skill) and tentacle-teeth monsters beneath to hurt me when I fail. I make it across with only one bite, which although a puncture severe enough to get through my suit and draw blood, apparently doesn’t pierce my suit causing it to leak and kill me… Huh. And across the last sphere – the factory!
But you know what? Hold on a second. Seriously, did they disband OSHA since the 21st century? A tentacle-and-sphere platform jumper to get onto the factory floor must be a violation of something! I take out my frustrations with some petty vandalism on the factory floor. In the process, I also score a packet of Satyrfeel-P “for evidence.” (heh heh) So, not bad. The factory is wrecked and my mission is finally at an… end…
Oh hell, there’s more? Does this factory never end?
I leave the factory floor, to find myself in a hallway with an alien critter that’s decidedly hostile. I’m offered the chance to feed it some drugs, which of course I do cuz why wouldn’t you feed a mysterious alien blob monster drugs given the opportunity? Fortunately it doesn’t go into a killing rage at all, but puts on some goa trance and a kickass screensaver and ignores me for the next 4-7 hours. Whew!
Past the alien is another T junction. I turn left and find myself in a room with six doors and buttons, and no clue what to do. I start pushing buttons, and they shock the crap out of me. The third one I try opens into another room that does the same thing, seriously harshing my buzz. Eventually one of them opens up, and I’m face to face with Zera Gross’s right-hand henchman: Blaster Babbet. I tackle him, and it turns into a brawl.
But he has 10 Skill and I have 7, so he beats me down and it’s lights out, game over, thank you and good night.
So close, and yet… my adventure ends here.
First published September 14, 2019. Last updated December 15, 2020.
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