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I Are Deadpool, part 3

It’s late 1974, and Deadpool is standing knee-deep in a swamp. It’s issue 3 of You Are Deadpool, and DP has just visited the fifth and final place to grab a *gem which may open up the Nexus of All Realities. Time and space are starting to act a bit weird: I’ve seen the Swamp Thing’s less fortunate knockoff cousin, Dracula and his host of really rude monsters who beat us up earlier, and a royalty-free time cop who is strangely similar to, yet legally distinct from, Judge Dredd. We head back to the center of the swamp and the Nexus…

We have 4 *gems, and the Nexus opens! It pulls us through time to… issue 2!

It’s 1961, according to the panel caption, the newspaper headlines, and good grief a lot of other signs. It sure is proud to be 1961. But the time helmet has worse battery life than my old LG Spectrum, and it shuts off after telling DP to charge it up with a blast of radiation. Okay, one-star review for battery life, but five stars for a badass take on wireless charging!

Deadpool heads out to a secret government base where they’ll be testing some new Nuke-Ya-Ler Atom Bomb. But walking would take all day, so we carjack some kid and steals their car, with them still in it! As we get onto the field, Bruce Banner is… oh right, DP’s carjacking is why Rick is on the bomb site anyway, which is why Bruce gets radioactivated… I guess without DP screwing around with time travel there wouldn’t be a Hulk?

Rather than being grateful, Bruce/Hulk has some famous anger-management issues, and technically DP is the first one to ever learn this, as Hulk rips DP limb from limb.

As we lie there bleeding, the nukeyaler blast sets off some Russian missiles, and suddenly kablooey! it’s World War Three. Our adventure, and all life on Earth, ends here.

What a world, what a world, …


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First published September 26, 2019. Last updated December 15, 2020.