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Let’s do the time warp again, with Deadpool! – Chapter 1

It’s time to put on my red Spandex body suit and sharpen my katana — let’s play You Are Deadpool again.

The scene starts with me (Deadpool) overlooking a Roxonn Corporation research lab, and reminding myself loudly that Tomorrow Man hired me to steal a time helmet. So that’s 25 minutes of plot setup we can skip, and get straight to an action sequence! I race for the front door, but pause for a moment as I realize that the guard is reading You Are Deadpool. Hey, cool. I like your taste. Still, you’re a guard and I need in, so with a fortunate roll of 2d6 I cut Guard #1 and Guard #2 in half, knock on the door, and decapitate Guard #3. I’m up 2 badness points, cuz I’m a sassy badass.

The Sneaking Minigame though, does not go well. I last 3 rolls, and as the alarms blare the Grasshopper comes in to kick my ass, I wonder if anyone could ever pass that stupid game. Then I get distracted by that ass-kicking thing I mentioned. It’s Grasshopper, with big ol’ robotic legs like something Grant Imahara would build, which crush my/Deadpool’s bones and earn me a sadness point. As I lie there bleeding, err I mean resting a moment, Grasshopper suddenly has a massive heart attack! How very fortunate for me, this mors ex machina so we can keep the plot moving here in chapter one.

And finally, we’re in the storage warehouse and the time helmet isn’t even locked up. Being as I’m a complete ass, naturally I stick the helmet on my head and press the button without delay.

This time, for the first time in any of my plays, my badness is greater than my sadness so I’m off to Issue 4…


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First published October 24, 2019. Last updated December 15, 2020.