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Space Assassin, second try

Did you catch that ludicrous display of my last playthrough of Space Assassin? It was a travesty, and I died in only a few minutes. So this time the assassin’s guild is sending their best man for the job. Right?

Skill = 7 / Stamina = 18 / Luck = 12 / Armor = 8 / Money = 1

Aw crap. I guess that the guild is using this emergency to thin the ranks of their less promising pupils. A skill of 7, then nothing except the most basic gun and very little armor. Well, another recon mission.

So, I sneak aboard in the page 1 cutscene. I sneak into the right-hand maintenance tunnel again, and this time go past the two turnoffs I found on prior runs. The tunnel ends at a big door with a gigantic warning label “Danger, no admittance” etc. Well that sounds promising! Inside I find two levers, and being a curious sort I pull them. This starts the self destruct, and I run for the escape pods.

As I flee toward that I hope are escape pods, I’m saying to myself figure “awesome, job well done!” cuz Cyrus will surely be killed and that was the job. Even if I die too, I’ll have saved the world.

Wrong. Apparently when the ship explodes, the mutation virus plague thing is released into the atmosphere anyway. What the hell? A big sci-fi nuke-ya-ler explosion, then atmospheric burn, isn’t going to stop this virus? I call bullshit, but the book says that my adventure ends here.

So, that was disappointing.


Okay, rewind… Let’s not pull the self destruct, let’s keep playing

I turn down one of the hallways and find some graffiti reading “I hate Cyrus” While not exactly keen nor erudite, this is still encouraging that perhaps I could get some help around here. That comes up a second later, when I run into a technician in his bunk. It seems that the bridge computer has gone all rogue AI on them, but the technician is okay with that and hates that Cyrus wants to shut it down. It’s a little too “Westworld” for me at the moment, but he gives me his key and tells me to head down the hall to find Cyrus. Awesome.

I follow the hall, follow the hall, follow the hall, and come to a room full of portable sentry cannons. They only have a skill of 7 and 2 stamina each, but there are 8 of them. And since I’m also the lamest wannabe assassin out there, their lousy 7 is a match for my lousy 7, and I am not match for their sheer numbers.

Round 1: 5 of them hit me, from 18 to 8 stamina in a blink,
Round 2: I wreck one of the bots, but four more hit me.

And in a blaze of turret fire, my adventure ends here.


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First published November 10, 2023. Last updated November 10, 2023.