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Stealer of Souls, attempt 3

Okay, deep breath. Roll the dice and let’s play Stealer of Souls again.

And… For goodness’ sake.

Skill 8 / Stamina 20 / Luck 8

The page 1 bird knocks me down to 10 stamina out of my initial 20. Brutal.

Fortunately the ship’s galley then heals me back up, so I can finally start my adventure!

We reach the island, and I get into the dinghy and start rowing toward the beach. I’m only half-surprised that I am immediately attacked by a giant crab here on the second page of my adventure. I am offered an option to simply row away, which does work – but it costs 2 stamina for the exertion. Damn! Do I have a heart condition or something, that rowing to shore is as unhealthy as being stabbed in a fight?

Anyway, waiting for me on the beach is a five-meter tall green giant. He’s big on beach-comber chic (shell necklace) but not into wearing shirts (hey, hot stuff!) and he seems friendly enough. We chat and flirt for a bit, then head back to his place for… Oh, okay he’s not into me like that. Still, he makes a really fine seafood stew and margaritas, and we have a fun time well into the evening. The rain outside has worked up into a storm, and he invites me to stay the night. I get to sleep on the sofa, though.

The next morning, I take off back onto my mission.

I walk.

And some of my food goes bad.

And I walk.

And I sleep in a cave uneventfully.

And I walk some more.

Finally, something happens! I meet a talking lizard.

It’s a bit weird, but he seems friendly. And he has a side quest for me: kill another of those giant crows, who eat lizard eggs. I proudly boast that I killed one of them yesterday, and the lizard says “well, then this this one should be easy.” I sure talked my way into that, huh? I get a series of lucky rolls – not only do I not kill myself on the climb up, but the bird only scratches me once. The lizard thanks me with a pearl that seems valuable, and a silver medallion that’s apparently protection from evil. Ooh, nice!

Back onto the trail, I have to sleep again and this time I hole up with a friendly tree sprite. The little bastard tries to steal my money in the night, but I catch him in the act. Yeah, they’re always trying to steal me lucky charms. I go on like that for some time, and eventually the little guy gives me three packets of magic stay-awake powder if only I’ll shut up with the damn leprechaun jokes. Yeah, this isn’t my first time crashing at some tweaker’s place in the woods. I know how to pass the time.

The next day… I walk. On a trail. Yeah, there’s a lot of that in this book so far. By the day’s end I find myself outside of a shed, where I decide to sleep.

Inside is some guy tied down to a rack. Poor guy, I gotta help! But it’s a ruse – he removes his hands from the fake rack, throws a bolt of magical energy at me, then lunges at me. We scuffle, and eventually I kill him then park his body over the basement trapdoor, and catch some Zs. Damn, this is messed up. I have nightmarish dreams and actually lose stamina during the night. The next morning, I head into the basement, not because it’s a good idea to rummage through a wizard’s basement, but because you know how these books are – there’s almost certainly a magic ping pong table or lava lamp that’s a required item at the end of the journey.

But no, even better – I find a tunnel that I somehow know is the entrance to the Iron Crypts.

I lurk about for a bit, until some goblins open the gate so they can come outside for a smoke. I bravely ambush and kill the pair of them, and I’m in. The next room has two more goblins, and I stay the course with my killing spree. Until I find the room with a stone minotaur statue in it. Aw hell. I know these books – of course the thing’s gonna attack me. And yeah; it demands that I give it a gem (I’m sure a very specific one) and when I don’t have one, it comes at me and smashes me into a bloody, chunky salsa.

My adventure ends, very messily, here.


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First published December 25, 2022. Last updated January 8, 2023.