My power-playthrough continues, as I do the first five Lone Wolf books in one sitting (well, a few evenings). It’s… The Journey of the Kai Marathon. Today we open The Chasm of Doom, book 4.

The story arc of the previous war against Helgedad has petered out, and now I’m being sent to investigate a missing wagon full of gold. The king already sent a troop of 100 men, and they went missing. So, he’s sending the best — me.

But, unlike the usual adventures, this time I’m accompanied by 50 rangers. I wonder whether they’ll really do anything, or just be a plot device…

We’re heading south through the wide open farmlands, the great plains of wheat and other food crops. Not a lot to see, until we meet up with a troupe of entertainers. They seem like a friendly lot… and then I notice that one of them is carrying a genuine Sommlending cavalry sword. Upon investigation, it turns out to be Captain D’Val’s sword… the leader of that troop that went missing!

Fortunately, we forgive and forget, sleep well, eat a hearty breakfast, and take off.

At dusk we find ourselves at a inn, where everyone is really edgy. They almost didn’t let us in, because they thought we were the bandits who have been attacking them every night. They’re a determined bunch of bandits, too: despite the band of soldiers here, they attack anyway. I make a swashbuckling leap through the roof of the stable, shake off a mild concussion, and kick some ass. But it was a hollow victory: only 11 horses remain so 40 of my men take off back home on foot, a legion of Sirs Not Appearing In This Film.

But, they’re better off than the troop that came before us. The next day as we’re riding, we see a flock of carrion-eating birds… and the bodies of 40 of the previous troop. They were apparently set upon by an unusually large host of bandits… that’s weird.

We continue onward to the village of Eshnar. That one entertainer who had Captain D’Val’s sword, said he bought it here at the inn. We get into town and my Spider Sense tingles like crazy… but not in time to save us. The whole village is bandits, and they’re hucking sawblades at us! Two of my men are killed, and the other 8 take off running home, as I run into the woods.

That answers that question of my platoon of soldiers. They were really just narrative text, and not something effective. Darn.

As I flee through the woods, I come to the entrance to the mines. I figure I haven’t had a good ol’ dungeon crawl in some time, so I head into the darkness.

When we last saw Lone Wolf, he was dead in the Caverns of Kalte. He took 1 point of damage from a kalkoth, and its venom is Your Adventure Ends Here material. So, I reloaded from a save and played through the book again.

Fast forward: off course, over land, a baknar and some Eskimo, our brave hero being very not brave and very un-heroic, falling into a cave, jumping over some ice. This time, I attack those old men to steal their dinner… and get a blue triangle keycard. Hey, I know what this is for!

I scare off a snow snake on a cliff, then pick a different tunnel and sneak past a sleeping baknar… and find myself back in the room with the door. I rummage through the skeletons and fight the snake again, coming out of it with a silver key and a giant diamond, but also lightly injured because I didn’t roll so lucky this time. But, I do have a blue keycard from the old men in the cave, so I’m spared a fight with a venomous lion.

And, I’m in the fortress proper!

The entryway is a trash heap, where I find a coil of rope that takes up 2 backpack spaces. But when climbing mountains and exploring caves, that’s gotta be useful at some point! A bit further along, I find a room with a bunch of potions which I don’t take with me since my backpack is already full, then I find a second room with a magical +2 helmet. I toss out my old helmet (+2 endurance) for this one. Nice!

Moving on, I find my way to a landing which has an obvious secret panel. Behind it is a swirly gateway to the realm of demons, the same which are trapped in those overhead lights. Sounds like a great place to visit, so I step inside!

I find myself in a temple. A statue comes to life and starts lumbering toward me. I know that books like this, such a creature usually has the magic gem that I need, but then again maybe not! I run.

I stop for wind and find myself in a jail cell block, which is guarded by a barbarian who fortunately was not paying attention to my clomping nor to my wheezing and panting. I wander the cells, and one of the prisoners is a wizard of the same order as my old friend Banedon from book 1. The wizard tells me that Vonotar kidnapped him so as to get teleported here to Kalte, and is apparently off the Darklords’ Christmas list since their invasion tanked. That’s good; it means he probably isn’t protected by anything tougher than barbarians. The good news continues: Vonotar has this wizard’s magic staff of teleportation too, so I won’t have to walk back to the ship after I kill Vonotar.

Together, we creep down a hallway and encounter the kitchen. I one-shot-kill the barbarian there, and the wizard starts rummaging the cabinets for herbs.  And get this: he crafts me a healing potion, makes up a sleep-gas bomb with some other herbs, and packs his pockets with magical reagents. Nice! I know now to never underestimate herbalists in this world.

We creep our way down another hallway, and find… Vonotar in a big ol’ throne room.

The wizard distracts him by engaging in psychic battle, while Vonotar distracts me with this horrible tentacle monster thing. Fortunately, the Sommerswerd is absurdly O.P. and the thing goes down in two hits. Vonotar comes at me with a bolt of magical energy, forgetting that the Sommerswerd also consumes magic; and the wizard puts Vonotar down in one hit with a fistful of herbs that turn into an entanglement spell. I like this guy!

And that’s it; turn to 350. The wizard was great, the boss fight was easy, the Sommerwerd is O.P., and now that bastard is in prison. I’m assured that the prison is 100% totally inescapable, so we’ll never be hearing from  Vonotar again. No-sir-ee!

In our last episode, our brave hero Lone Wolf, bravely watched his party of three redshirts wiped out by Eskimo with arrows, then heroically took a child hostage at knifepoint. He then expertly fell down a crevasse and found himself in the Caverns of Kalte.

Good job, Lone Wolf. You’re a credit to the Kai name.

The caverns are clearly illuminated, as caves always are in movies or books. In this case, it’s because of magical lighting bowls built into the ceiling by The Ancients. So I guess Magnamund was formerly home to aliens or something? The illumination is very useful as I jump over an icy river, and find my way.

I smell meat cooking, and go to investigate. I see two old men, and when I try to say hi they scream and run. Undaunted, I devour their food and steal their portable fire. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

Moving on, I am bedazzled by the beauty of the ice caves, which are decorated with crystals and brightly it by the magic lamps. It’s really evocative writing here, really gets my imagination going. I have a brief run-in with a snow snake, but otherwise am not impeded at all until I get to the room with The Big Door, the door into the ice fortress.

The door takes a blue triangle keycard, which I don’t have. But it does have a giant crystal snake which attacks me! Fortunately the Sommerswerd +8 is so insanely overpowered that I kill it in one shot. The noise attracts a kalkoth, which is basically a vicious, giant lion with a barbed tongue.

It’s also a poisonous tongue. Although I killed it in two hits, the poison is to poisonous that my adventure ends here.

Damn.

Journey of the Kai: a power session to play through the first five Lone Wolf books. We’re in Fire On The Water, and it’s been a long and hard journey so far. Lone Wolf and Rhygar (a warrior, and Sommerlund ambassador to Durenor) are headed to the capital of Durenor, Hammerdal, to fetch the Sommerswerd. Halfway there, they were attacked by Helghasts and had to run for their lives.

We are at the entrance to the Tarnalin, a forty-mile-long tunnel under the mountains and into the capital city. I am given the opportunity to give away my magic Helghast-killing spear to Rhygar so he can defend the entrance, but my sixth sense tells me that I’ll encounter another of those things and need this. Sorry, Rhygar.

My intuition proves right. I am attacked by one, and I get to kill it without a fight.

Next thing I know, I come to a barricade by the king’s soldiers. I show my credentials, and get a ride into town. One page later, I’m meeting King Alin of Durenor… and picking up the Sommerswerd.

It bombards my mind with magic and visions. The visions tell me that the sword is +8 and does double damage to undead. Oh hell yes. I feel like Muad Dib doing that “Emperor, we come for you!” thing. But also kind of like He-Man. Is that wrong?

The next few pages are a montage: fourteen days waiting for the navy to mobilize, while Sommlending people die in the meantime. And then when we get underway, most of the soldiers get seasick, … and then we’re attacked.

Out of a mysterious fog, the ship arrives. Crewed by the living dead, and still draped in the rot and seaweed from whence it came, the hulk rams into our flagship and destroys it in one hit. I jump onto the death ship, and start re-slaughtering zombies left and right. A Helghast comes into the hold at one point, but I get a really lucky roll of the die and kill it in one shot.

Back on deck, I’m looking for my next target. There! Fireballs are coming from the tower, killing Durenese soldiers. That seems like a mega-weapon worth destroying! But it’s not a mega-weapon… it’s Vonator the Traitor. The wizard Banedon mentioned this guy, said that he sold out the other wizards. Looks like he was right. Unfortunately for Vonator, the Sommerswerd is really crazy O.P. and it absorbs his magical attack. So he screams, hucks a smoke bomb, and takes off in a boat.

I try to go after him, but it’s no good. There’s too much fire and smoke, and a brief run-in with a kraan, and eventually I decide to take a breather on one of the Durenese battleships.

Finally, we pull into the coast at Holmgard. In an awesome cut-scene, I whip out the Sommerswerd, and it does this crazy Ark of the Covenant thing, blasting the undead demon army in one shot. Victory!